Thursday, June 2, 2011

Chapter 13: Part 4 - Going Back Home

Mom and Dad go through the same ritual of closing up their condo as they do their house back home. They turn off the water and the phone, stop the mail, clean their apartment, and since the ant incident, they set ant traps, too. In Florida, they also hire a man to check on their apartment once a month while they are gone to make sure the Florida humidity doesn’t ruin anything inside. And of course, last but not least, they have to wrap their toilet in plastic wrap. I told Dad that he should suggest ‘The Art of Toilet Wrapping’ as a new activity at the Harbor View clubhouse.

After all of their last-minute going-out activities and the closing up of their apartment, Mom and Dad are finally ready to leave. Mom says the long drive home is not nearly as much fun as the drive down. Not that the drive down is too much fun to begin with, but she says there is some sort of excitement in the air as if they are going on an adventure.

Mom tells me that it is actually somewhat depressing driving home. As they drive farther and farther north, the seasons change from summer in Florida to spring in the Carolinas to not quite spring where they live, she says. The trees have fewer and fewer leaves on them, and the temperature gets colder and colder, she adds. I get depressed for them just thinking about it, but then I remember that I have spent almost my whole winter in the cold climate, while they have lounged in sunny Florida, and then I don’t feel so bad for them, after all.

This year Mom and Dad stopped at my house near DC on their way home (without getting lost on the way, for a change). They excitedly told me all about their last few days in Florida. “The ‘Young in Spirit’ club had a Farewell Dinner Dance. They rented a room in the clubhouse, and we danced and ate with all of our friends and had a great time. Then the day before we left Dad and I sat at the pool one last time. It was gorgeous out,” Mom tells me.

“Are you going to miss Harbor View this summer?” I ask Mom.

“Well, I’m really looking forward to seeing the grandkids, and we’re happy to see you, and we’ll be glad to visit with your brother and your sister. But I will miss the beautiful weather, The Characters, the activities, the shopping, and all of the delicious food, of course,” Mom replies.

“Don’t worry, Hon,” Dad says, “the way I figure it, there are only eight more months till we go back to Florida.”

“And,” I add, “only six more until you start packing.”

The End

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Chapter 13; Part 3 - Going Back Home

While going out ‘one last time,’ Mom and Dad and their friends always talk about keeping in touch during the summer months.

“I’ll call you on the weekends,” Sylvia says to Mom, “I get free weekends on my cell phone.”

“Oh, wonderful,” Mom answers, even though she dislikes talking through the static on those types of telephones.

“What’s your e-mail address?” Phyllis asks Mom. “We have to keep in touch.”

“I can’t remember. I’ll have to ask my husband,” Mom answers. Mom, whose limited interest in activities does not include learning how to use the computer, does not want to admit that she relies on Dad to send and respond to e-mails.

Most of their friends from the ‘Young in Spirit’ club also make plans to get together once during the summer, as they do every year. In the past several summers they have met in Atlantic City, New Jersey.

“Why Atlantic City?” I ask Mom, “It’s so grungy there.”

“Well, there’s free bus service by the casinos from most of the Northeast cities,” she answers.

“Well, I guess that makes sense since not all of them drive. And the fact that it’s free; you and your friends can’t pass up a good bargain,” I say.

“Plus they have all-you-can-eat buffets at a lot of the casinos,” she adds.

“Now it really explains things. It reminds all of you of Florida, huh?”

Friday, January 28, 2011

Chapter 13; Part 2 - Going Back Home

About two weeks before Mom and Dad leave Florida, they start doing their ‘one last time’ routine – they have to go shopping at such and such store ‘one last time.’ They want to eat at their three favorite restaurants ‘one last time.’ They need to see their five closest friends ‘one last time.’

“Hon, I want to go to Coral Sands Mall one last time before we go home,” Mom says. “There are a couple of stores that I want to shop at that we don’t have back home.”

“Fine,” Dad replies. “One last time is all I can take of that place.”

“We have a lot of evening plans this week and next,” Mom informs Dad. “We’re getting together with Sylvia and her new boyfriend on Monday night, Minnie and Hymie on Wednesday night, and Phyllis and Herb on Thursday night.”

“Boy, that’s a lot of going out for one week.” Dad replies.

“Well, we’re going to be staying in on Saturday night,” Mom tells him. “I invited Herb and Phyllis and Stan and Susan over for coffee and cake. Oh, yeah, and on Sunday evening Flo and Irv invited us over.”

“Flo and Irv? But we don’t need to go out with them one last time. We’ll see them back home in Pennsylvania.”

“Flo said she wanted to see us one more time in Florida. For some reason it’s just not the same when we go out with them back home.”

“I hope we are at least going to some restaurants that I like,” Dad says.

“Oh yeah, your favorites – Finnochio’s on Monday, Wu’s on Wednesday, and Bubbe’s on Thursday.”

Friday, January 7, 2011

Chapter 13; Part 1 - Going Back Home

As February turns to March, the talk around Harbor View starts to change to the topic of going back home.

“When are you leaving for New York, Phyllis?” Mom asks.

“We’re leaving early this year – March 24. I really don’t want to, but we have a wedding near Boston in late March. How about you?”

“I think we’re going to leave in the beginning of April.”

“I hope you have your reservations for the train. They get really swamped in April.”

“Oh, no; we drive,” Mom replies.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Chapter 12; Part 9 - Visitors

If you do visit Florida, one week you want to avoid going to Harbor View or any other development, for that matter, is the week between Christmas and New Year’s. Not only because it is when all of the tourists come and the airfares are at their highest, but because it is the only time that Harbor View (and similar developments, I’m sure) appears to be a summer camp for children, rather than a retirement community. Everyone’s children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and even friends of nieces and nephews, who are off from school, come to visit that week. If you want to come to Florida to relax, then Christmas week is not the time to do it. There are kids splashing in the pool; there is noise from the children in the neighboring apartments; and there are long waits at all of the restaurants. (Of course there are always long waits at restaurants, but they are even longer during Christmas week.)

The other difference during Christmas week is that The Characters are usually on their best behavior. Sure they do the expected bragging to their friends and neighbors, or anyone who will listen, about their son ‘the dentist’ and their granddaughter the ‘third-grade genius.’ But because they have guests, they don’t seem to talk unkindly about each other as much as they do during the regular season. And overall, the residents seem just a little more ordinary.

So even though I now bring a child with me when I visit Mom and Dad, I try to make sure we go later in the winter, because I just don’t think you can get a true taste of Harbor View during Christmas week. “No,” I decide for certain later, after hearing Mom tell me yet another story of some of The Characters’ antics during the regular season, “going during Christmas week just wouldn’t be worth it.”

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Chapter 12; Part 8 - Visitors

Another favorite pastime of Mom and Dad’s and other residents of Harbor View, it seems, is watching the weather on the news – not to see the forecast of South Florida. Oh no, they want to see what awful weather they are missing back home. Chilly and mid-30’s back home? My parents are happy. A blustery cold with chance of snow flurries? Mom and Dad are beaming. A few inches of snow back in Pennsylvania? My parents are absolutely giddy. And the more and more footage they show on the news of the blowing wind, the snow falling down, tires spinning in the snow, people shoveling their driveways, and the lines inside the supermarkets, the happier they are.

And it doesn’t matter that I live in the DC area where the weather is currently sunny and dry, if it’s snowing “Up North” it must be snowing near where I live. We’ll walk over to my parents’ friends’ home, and Mom’s friend will comment, “You must be glad you came down here this week – you’re missing all that snow.”

“Um, I don’t think it snowed in DC this week. It’s up in the New York and Pennsyvlania area.”

“Well, I heard it’s going to be all over “up north” in the next few days. It’s best if you stay down here.”

“Umm sure,” I reply. Yet, when I look at the forecast later, it clearly says mid-40s for the whole week in DC.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Chapter 12; Part 7 - Visitors

One pastime Dad and Mom love to do with me when I visit them in Florida is to point out everyone’s age. Dad especially enjoys this. He boasts about it like it’s some kind of accomplishment.

“See that man over there?” he says to me one day at the pool, “He’s 85. Doesn’t he look no more than 70?”

“Well, it’s hard for me to tell, Dad,” I say.

“And you know my friend Harold? He’s 77. He still plays tennis every day – sometimes twice a day,” Dad brags.

“That’s impressive,” I reply.

“And there’s an absolutely adorable couple who live next door to Flo and Irv. He’s 84 and she’s 81. They go out almost every night to dinner, and he’s still driving,” Mom chimes in.

“They sound adorable,” I say, although I cannot picture an old couple that I would describe as ‘adorable.’

“And that nice man who lives downstairs from us,” Mom continues, “He’s got himself a girlfriend.”

“Wouldn’t that be ladyfriend, Mom? I bet she’s at least 75,” I ask.

“Actually, she’s 88. And he calls her his girlfriend,” Mom answers.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Chapter 12; Part 6 - Visitors

The funny thing about bringing a baby to Florida is everyone wants to stop and talk to you about the baby – not just residents of Harbor View, but people at the supermarket, the shopping mall, and the gas station. Now, I know that babies are cute, and I’m not saying that people don’t stop me up North every so often; they do.

However, back home, the person usually would say, “Cute baby.”

I’d say, “Thanks.”

They’d say, “How old is she?”

I’d say, “Eight months.”

They’d say, “Well, enjoy her. It goes by fast.” And that would be the end of the encounter.

In Florida I went shopping in the supermarket one day, when an old woman struck up a conversation with me. It went something like this:

Old woman: What a cute baby you have. Is it a boy or a girl?

Me: It’s a little girl. (I wanted to say, “She has pink clothes on, a ribbon in her hair, and earrings in her ears, what do you think?”)

Old woman: How old is she?

Me: Eight months.

Old woman: Ohhh, I have a grandson who is eight months old. But he lives so far away. I’ve only seen him once. He’s very cute. He looks very much like your daughter.

Me: Thanks. That’s nice. Well, I’d better continue with my shopping.

Old woman: Little Jacob just started crawling. He’s named after my late husband, you know. Is your baby crawling?

Me: Yes, she is.

Old woman: Well, Jacob is very smart just like his father – my son. He loves to have the phone up to his ear and listen to grandma talk to him.

Me: Yeah, our daughter likes that, too.

Old woman: Do you mind if I just tickle her cute little toes? (Of course she asked this after she had already started playing with my baby’s toes.)

Me: Well, the doctor said I should try not to have too many people touching her so she doesn’t get sick. She hasn’t had all of her vaccines yet.

Old woman: Aah, doctors today are too overly protective. In my day, babies lived with their grandparents and were handled by everyone in the village. You know, Jacob, my late husband, not my grandson, and I both come from the same village in Russia?

Me: Well, that’s nice but I really must go. The baby gets really fussy at naptime and she’s way past due.

Old woman: Oh, my Jacob never gets fussy. They say he’s such a good baby. Awww, I wish I could see him more.

Tears started to well up in the old woman’s eyes. I did feel bad, but at the rate she was talking, I was going to spend my whole Florida vacation in the supermarket rather than at the pool.

Me: That’s too bad. Well, nice meeting you. I really must go.

I dashed off to the next aisle before the old woman could say another word.

“Phew!” I breathed a sigh of relief just as an old man tapped me on the shoulder.

Old man: What a sweet baby you have. I have a granddaughter just about her age. She lives in New Jersey, though. She’s a looker she is…

Friday, November 12, 2010

Chapter 12; Part 5 - Visitors

I have since gotten married and have a baby of my own. Thankfully, I am no longer ‘the single daughter.’ As I have mentioned, I live in the DC suburbs, while Mom and Dad and all of the rest of my family live in the Philadelphia area, where I grew up. So now when I visit Florida, Mom introduces me as “my daughter who moved far away from me, as opposed to my other daughter who chose to stay near her mother.”

In spite of this introduction, I still visit Mom and Dad at Harbor View once a year, except now those visits include my husband and our daughter. Unfortunately, now all of us cannot sleep on the pull-out sofa in the living room of Mom and Dad’s condo. We have to stay at a nearby hotel instead.

I knew that Mom would be thrilled when I told her that we wouldn’t be staying at her condo anymore because I thought it was too small and cramped, and that their sofa bed was very uncomfortable. I knew she would be happy that we wouldn’t be there to mess up her morning routine or clutter the apartment. She actually had a song in her voice when she replied, “That’s too bad; we’ll miss you staying with us.” My husband, on the other hand, was less than thrilled.

“Sweetheart, if we stay in a hotel when we visit your folks,” he said to me, “it’s going to cost quite a bit of money. After all, it is high season in Florida that time of year.”

“Well, what can we do? I’m not staying in their small condo,” I replied.

“How about if we just go to an island this year? It’ll cost the same amount of money.”

“But that’s not the point, honey. We’re not just going for vacation, we’re also going to see my parents,” I said.

“Name one good reason I would have for choosing Florida with your folks for vacation over a beautiful, sunny, tropical island?” he questioned me.

“Mom and Dad will babysit so we can go out,” I answered him.

“Start packing, we’re going to Florida,” he replied.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Chapter 12; Part 4 - Visitors

Of course, going to Florida with the label of ‘single’ comes with added bonus conversations with Mom’s friends and neighbors.

This is a conversation that took place about four years ago between me and one of Mom’s friends:

“Oh, so you’re single?” Mom’s friend asked me, “Where do you live?”

“Outside of Washington, DC,” I answered.

“Well, I have a perfect man for you to meet. My son lives just north of Baltimore.”

“Well, I actually live on the Virginia side of DC, not the Maryland side. Baltimore is a good one and a half hours away.”

“Aaah, what’s one and a half hours at your age? You shouldn’t be too picky,” she answered.

“I’m only 27,” I replied.

“At 27, I was married with two kids. Anyway, that’s perfect; my son is 41.”

“Thanks, but no, thanks,” I said. “I like to date men who live close to me and who are nearer my age.”

“Okay, honey, but I’m telling you, you’re passing up on a winner. He’s a blank canvas; he’s never had a girlfriend before.”

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Chapter 12; Part 3 - Visitors

When I first started visiting Mom and Dad several years ago, I was single. This is how Mom used to introduce me.

“Neighbor, this is my single daughter. She’s visiting from Washington, DC for a week,” Mom would say.

“Nice to meet you, single daughter,” Neighbor would reply. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Mom,” I would say later, “it’s insulting the way you introduce me as your single daughter.”

“Well, everyone knows that in addition to my son, I have two daughters – one single and one married to a wonderful man with three adorable children. So that’s how I always refer to you. They wouldn’t know which daughter I was talking about if I just said your name,” Mom answered.

“Well, I don’t like it. Please try to introduce me with a name next time.”

The next time we met one of her friends, this is how the conversation went:

Mom: Friend, I want to introduce you to my daughter, Amy.

Friend: Nice meeting you, Amy. Are you the single daughter or the married one with the wonderful husband and three beautiful children?

Friday, August 6, 2010

Chapter 12; Part 2 - Visitors

The first thing Dad asks every year when I arrive is, “What was the weather when you left?”

“I don’t know, Dad. It was cold,” I say.

“How cold?”

“I don’t know. Very cold.”

“Was there snow on the ground?” Dad asks.

“No, no snow.”

“How about ice?”

“No, no ice either,” I reply.

“You know it’s in the seventies here.”

“Yes, Dad, I can feel that.”

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Chapter 12; Part 1 - Visitors

At some point or another during most retirees’ winters in Florida, they get visitors – children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews from ‘up North.’ I’m always one of them; I visit Mom and Dad every year.

The funny thing about visiting Florida in the winter is you leave your city or town in the Northeast, where the average age and the average temperature are both around 38. A little more than two hours later you arrive in Florida to find that the temperature and the age of the people have both climbed about 40 points.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Chapter 11; Part 8 - Trips

After they came back from the cruise, Mom called to tell me all about it. “We had a wonderful time and the food was delicious – I ate veal parmesan, fabulous fish, and oh, the portions; it was never-ending. The shopping was wonderful too. I got such bargains – a handbag for $10 and a pair of silver earrings for $15. Oh, and the weather was beautiful too. It was always about 77 degrees.”

“What did you do every day?” I asked.

“We did so much. When we were at sea, we sat by the pool, and played shuffleboard, and walked around the track. When we were docked, we went shopping. And at night we saw some wonderful shows.”

“Mom, if I didn’t know where you went, from your description of the food, weather, pool, and the activities, I would have thought you were describing a week at Harbor View,” I said.

“Oh yeah, speaking of Harbor View, that reminds me of one more thing about the cruise,” she added, “there were lots of old people on board, too.”

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Chapter 11; Part 7 - Trips

Mom, of course, also talked about the cruise with her friends. One evening at dinner, Mom brought up the subject of the food on the cruise.

“Uumm, this dinner is delicious,” Mom said to her dining companions at Antonio’s, “I hope the food on the cruise is just as good.”

“Oh, speaking of food on the cruise, Phyllis called up the travel agent and they told her that the Captain’s Dinner is probably going to be the second night of the cruise,” Flo replied.

“Well that’s a relief,” Mom said. “I’m glad it’s not on the last night. My new evening gown should still fit by day two. Last year, Sylvia and Susan went on a cruise and they said by the end of the week, they couldn’t zip up any of their clothes.”

Friday, March 19, 2010

Chapter 11; Part 6 - Trips

Sometimes getaways from Harbor View last even longer than a weekend. This past year the ‘Young in Spirit’ club organized a weeklong cruise. Twenty-eight couples signed up for a seven-day journey to the Caribbean.

“Mom, I can’t believe you’re going on a cruise. Most people would be more than happy to change places with you where you are now. Being in Florida for four months is already a vacation,” I said to her one day on the phone.

“I know, but since we’re already down here, we didn’t have to pay for airfare to fly to the cruise port in Florida. It was too good a deal to pass up,” she replied.

Mom talked about her cruise for about a month prior to their departure, and of course began laying out her clothes for it weeks in advance, too.

“Oh, I don’t know what to do, I need a new dress for the formal Captain’s Dinner on the cruise,” she said to me on one occasion.

“Why don’t you wear the dress you wore to Cousin Linda’s wedding last year?” I asked.

“I can’t. I left it at home in Pennsylvania. Who knew I’d need a formal dress down here?”

“But you knew back home that you were going on a cruise this winter. You should have just brought it with you,” I informed her.

“Okay, I’ll be honest with you. It doesn’t fit anymore. I gained four pounds last year in Florida and probably at least two more this year.”

“Mom, what about all of the walking you’ve been doing?” I asked her.

“I guess it doesn’t make up for all of the dinners I’ve been eating out,” she admitted.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Chapter 11; Part 5 - Trips

Sometimes, residents of Harbor View go on weekend trips. Last year, Mom’s friend Phyllis organized a weekend getaway to visit cousins of hers at a retirement development in another part of Florida. Three couples went – Mom and Dad, Phyllis and Herb, and Flo and Irv. Mom said it was nice there, but that she was glad to be home.

“Phyllis’s cousins were very nice, and their development was lovely, but it just didn’t feel right,” she said. “I can’t quite put my finger on it. Oh, maybe it’s just that everything was slightly different. On Friday night, instead of eating at Antonio’s we ate at Francesca’s. Instead of Wu’s Chinese buffet on Saturday we ate at Wong’s. And we ate Sunday brunch at Shlomo’s instead of Bubbe’s. Even the shopping was different. The flea markets were called Fantastic Flea instead of Celebration Stores and the mall was Crystal Lake instead of Coral Sands.”

“How about the people in the development? What were they like?” I asked.

“That’s it!” Mom screamed excitedly, “The people! That’s why it felt so weird. Everything around me was different, but the people were exactly the same – they were Characters!”

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Chapter 11; Part 4 - Trips

Mom and Dad don’t always go on the trips sponsored by some of the clubs. With Mom not able to easily get out of the house before 10:00 in the morning, she says the trips are often a little too hectic for her. Last year there was a day trip to Pelican Lake State Park, which is three hours away from Harbor View. The bus was leaving the Harbor View clubhouse at 7:30 in the morning (much too early for Mom) and not returning until 10:00 at night. It should have been an overnight trip, rather than a day trip, but Dad says the club didn’t think they would get enough people to spend the extra money to overnight there.

Anyway, despite the early departure, the club still managed to fill one and one-half busloads with people, including Mom’s friends’ Flo and Irv. The next day Mom called Flo to find out how the trip was.

“Ugh, it was a disaster,” Flo said. “About two hours into the bus ride to the park, the engine on the second bus started smoking. We pulled over to the side of the road, while the drivers checked out the problem. They determined that they needed some part, so all of the people on the broken bus came over onto our bus.” Flo explained.

“You’re kidding! How did you all fit?” Mom asked.

“Well, it was very crowded, and some people had to stand. Then everyone started arguing whether we should continue on to the park or just turn around and go home.”

“What’d you do?” Mom asked in anticipation.

“We continued on. In the end, most of the people agreed, and I mean most; that difficult woman, Lila in Building 17 didn’t agree. Anyway, most of the people agreed that since we had already paid for the trip, we might as well go. We didn’t know if we’d be able to get a refund.”

“So how was the park once you got there?”

“Well, I don’t think it was worth the three-hour ride. There were palm trees, a lake, and some birds, which were pretty enough, but frankly, I can see all of the things outside my bedroom window at Harbor View – for free. Besides, there were so many mosquitoes around that I got bites all over my body. And the sun was very strong by the time we got there midday that a lot of people got sunburned, including Irv.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. Did you at least make it home okay?”

“Yeah, they sent a second bus down.”

“Oy, I’m glad I didn’t go,” Mom said. “But, at least you’ll have something to talk about at the pool this afternoon,” Mom said.

And according to Mom, talk about it, they did. She told me that the bus ride fiasco to Pelican Lake State Park actually warranted conversations around the pool for nearly two weeks – a Harbor View record. “Old people love to complain,” Mom informed me. “I believe they actually enjoy incidents like this or else, besides food, what else would they have to talk about?”

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Chapter 11: Part 3 - Trips

And at least once a year one of the Harbor View clubs will sponsor a day trip to that favorite Florida sport – jai alai. Jai alai is one of those terms I’ve always heard of in conjunction with Florida, but I truly had no idea what it was. I asked Dad about it when he told me that he and Mom had gone to jai alai the previous evening with the golf club.

“It’s basically a sport, like handball, that you can bet on,” he told me. “You go into a big room like a theatre, and there are men on stage throwing a ball back and forth into a wicker basket that they are each holding. It’s pretty interesting to watch because they have to throw and catch the ball in one fluid motion. You don’t have to bet on all of the games, but you can if you want to.”

“Was it any fun?” I asked him.

“Well, the restaurant we ate at beforehand was good. But, as far as the jai alai is concerned, it was just okay. Actually, watching it once in my life was more than enough for me. To be honest with you, the only reason I went is because whenever I tell people that I winter in Florida, many of them ask me if I’ve been to see jai alai and I’m embarrassed to say, ‘no.” Now I can tell them I have,” Dad reasoned.

Chapter 11; Part 2 - Trips

Sometimes the ‘Young in Spirit’ club will sponsor a day trip to one of the many wildlife preserves in the area. The club members will take a boat ride through the swamps of South Florida and peer at all of the alligators. I’m not sure what it is about alligators that the old people in Harbor View like so much. My theory is that alligators are the only things in Florida more wrinkled than they are. Afterwards the residents will dine at a local seafood restaurant (which incidentally usually serves alligator as a menu item – further proof that the old folks are better off than the alligators), and then they will head home, happy that they have gotten away from the other residents of Harbor View for the day.