Chapter 10; Part 6 - Evenings Out

If they are not doing activities at the clubhouse, Mom, Dad, and their friends sometimes invite each other over to the other’s condo for their evening activity. They always offer coffee and cake for refreshments (as if they haven’t had enough to eat at dinner earlier in the evening). Then they either play dominoes or sit around and talk. Actually, even if they are playing dominoes, which requires no thinking, they are still mainly just sitting around and talking. The conversations are usually similar to the ones that take place around the pool during the day. Except at the pool, residents have to wait until the others have left before they can begin talking about them. In the privacy of their condos, they can talk about the others all evening long.

Chapter 10; Part 5 - Evenings Out

On nights when there are no live shows or special dances, Mom and Dad sometimes go to the movies. Of course, not movies in first-run theatres that would cost at least eight dollars a head – that’s much too expensive for the Florida pocketbook. Instead, they go to see one-dollar movies offered in one of the larger rooms in the clubhouse. Most of the films are pretty current, as they have just recently left the movie theatres. And even if it is something Mom and Dad wouldn’t normally go to see in the theatre, they take a chance on it at the clubhouse. As Dad says, “For a buck, you can’t beat it for an evening out.”

Chapter 10; Part 4 - Evenings Out

Another popular, although less common, option for the evening activity is a dance offered by one of the Harbor View clubs. Usually around the holidays, such as New Year’s Eve and Valentine’s Day, many of the clubs will sponsor an evening of dinner and dancing in the ballroom of the clubhouse. Mom and Dad enjoy these dances not only because they get to socialize with their friends, but also because it gives them an opportunity to dress up – something they don’t get a chance to do often in casual Florida.

From what Mom tells me about these dances, though, it sounds as if the residents attending them haven’t matured much since junior high school. Not that the men stand on one side of the room and the women on the other; rather, the juvenile mentality has to do with saving seats. Mom says that in the first few years after the ‘Young in Spirit’ club was formed, everyone would save seats for their friends at the dining tables. As new people joined, however, many of them complained that there were too many cliques in the club. This led to a new ‘no saving seats’ club rule. The leaders said it would encourage people to get to know the new members.

One of the incidents that may have led to this new rule was at the Valentine’s Day dance one season. Mom and Dad were sitting with Flo, Irv, Susan, and Stan. Susan was saving the remaining two seats at their table for Hymie and Minnie. Apparently another couple came over and sat down in the vacant seats, and Susan asked them to move. Susan tried to get her way as she does returning food at restaurants, but the man wouldn’t budge. He said he wanted to sit at this particular table, and she wasn’t going to stop him. They got into a yelling match, which ended with the man mouthing off a few obscenities.

At that point, Mom said she herself wanted to move, not desiring to sit with a man with a ‘filthy mouth’ as she put it. But by then the man’s wife was already chatting with the others at the table, and Susan just gave in and told them to stay there if they wanted. By the end of the evening, the man apologized to Susan for his language and even asked her for a dance. Mom couldn’t believe that Susan actually danced with him after the way they were arguing. But Mom said that’s the way it is with the old people in Florida. She said they behave like children sometimes – fighting with each other one minute and acting like best friends the next. In spite of this junior high mentality, Mom says the dances are usually a pleasant way to spend a holiday evening.

Chapter 10; Part 3 - Evenings Out

Once a year toward the end of the winter season, the clubhouse offers a live show put on by the residents of Harbor View. It is a talent show, and any resident who is brave enough is allowed to perform in it. Mom and Dad never used to sign up to attend the year-end talent show, but they have heard that it is actually pretty good, so this past year, they decided to check it out. Mom said it really was very good.

“You won’t believe how talented some of these people are,” Mom said to me on the phone the day after the talent show.

“Really, what did they do?” I asked.

“Well, a few of the women sang and danced like chorus girls in a Broadway show. Sure, their kicks weren’t high like the Rockettes, but I give them credit. Their hair is gray, the skin on their arms is dangling, and most of them aren’t exactly slender, but they had a lot of energy and belted out show tunes like it was opening night on Broadway. I don’t know if I would even be able to remember the words to all of those songs they sang.”

“What else did people do?”

“One woman twirled the baton. She actually wore a glittering costume with knee-high boots. She wasn’t bad. She missed a few times, but, overall, it was remarkable for a woman who looked to be in her early eighties.”

“Wow, I’m impressed,” I said.

“One man did magic tricks. His reflexes weren’t so good, so you could sometimes see what he was doing. But the people in the audience were good sports. All of the performers got a standing ovation.”

“Did Dad like it?”

“Actually, he did. He said he’s thinking of participating next year.”

“Dad? What can he do?” I asked.

“He’s thinking of doing a comedy routine with Herb. They are planning on imitating the folks in Harbor View. You know, things like, ‘Did you hear that ambulance go by? There’s another condo available in Building 41.’”

“That sounds funny. But I hope no one is insulted. They may throw tomatoes at them,” I said.

“Nah, they’re a good-natured crowd when it comes to the talent show. Besides, if they threw anything, it would probably be matzo balls.”

Chapter 10; Part 2 - Evenings Out

There’s a whole procedure in place at Harbor View to sign up for these shows. At the end of each month, Mom and Dad receive a list of shows that will be coming to Harbor View the following month. Mom and Dad check off which ones they would like to see and drop the form off at the clubhouse office. They then receive a notice of which shows they got into and where their seats are located. It is all done by the lottery system so that no one complains they were treated unfairly. Okay, so maybe some people complain, this is a development of old people, after all. But the lottery system does at least make the process a little fairer for everyone involved.

This sign-up process always leads to discussions among Mom, Dad, and their friends about which shows they got into, which ones they got ‘shut out’ of, and whether their seats are great, so-so, or lousy. This year Mom called me to complain that she and Dad got ‘shut out’ of Du Du Fisher for the third year in a row.

“That’s too bad,” I said, not even knowing who this guy was, but immediately feeling sorry that he was stuck with such a ridiculous name.

“I don’t think I would have minded so much if we got ‘shut out’ for the third year in a row, if other people got ‘shut out’ too,” Mom complained, “But Phyllis’ sister, Harriet got in, and this is only her first season at Harbor View.”

“Well, what can you do? That’s what happens when places use a lottery system,” I answered.

“The worst part is,” Mom went on, “Harriet even got good seats.”

Of course these shows may not be the hottest tickets in town, but they’re still given by live performers, nonetheless (most of them anyway), and the tickets are pretty cheap. In fact, they only cost between five and 20 dollars per show. Five dollars gets you into a show by an old mediocre comedian from Vaudeville, while 20 dollars is warranted for relatively younger acts like Tony Orlando (yes, the one of “Tie a Yellow Ribbon” fame) who will sing and dance for you. Personally, I think it should be the other way around, with the older performer garnering the most money, because you never know when it’s going to be his last performance. For Mom and Dad and the rest of the residents of Harbor View, five to 20 dollars is a great deal for evening entertainment. For the performers, I’m not so sure. I don’t think any of them are putting ‘Played at the Harbor View Clubhouse on their résumés.

Chapter 10, Part 1 - Evenings Out

After an evening of indulging in large portions of food at Antonio’s, Bubbe’s, or Wu’s Chinese Buffet, Mom and Dad and their friends sometimes go out for a night on the town, or at least a night on the Harbor View grounds. Often this means attending a show at the theatre in the Harbor View clubhouse. I am told that many people actually choose to live in Harbor View over other retirement condominiums in Florida because of the theatre that is in the clubhouse. It is the largest one in the area. And with the vast theatre comes the best acts that come to Florida. During the high season (December to April) there are approximately 20 shows per month – live shows – musicians, comedians, and dancers who are famous – or at least once were.

I never get too excited by the performers that Mom tells me about, mostly because I have never heard of them. In the past few years Mom and Dad have seen shows with the following performers: Freddie Roman, Alan King, Mal Z. Lawrence, Marilyn Michaels, and Sam Butera. Mom informs me that they were all big stars in their day, and that the shows are usually fantastic. She always seems to get annoyed when I tell her I haven’t heard of some of these people.

“What are you doing tonight?” I ask Mom on the phone one day.

“Oh, we’re going to a show with Donna McKechnie,” Mom replies.

“Is that the nice woman who lives downstairs from you?”

“No, we’re going to see Donna McKechnie. You mean to tell me you’ve never heard of her?”

“No, who is she?” I ask.

“She’s a very talented dancer and singer. She danced on Broadway for many years.”

“Oh, sorry, I never heard of her.”

“She’s danced with some of the best of them, honey. I can’t believe you never heard of her,” Mom’s voice rises an octave at the second sentence.

“Sorry, Mom. She must have been before my time,” I say. “If I had heard of her, that would probably make me eligible for residency at Harbor View.”