Filling out an application and getting character references was a piece of cake, however, compared to the condo board interview, Mom tells me. “There were three men and two women seated at a long table. Each one wore an official badge on that said ‘Building 51 Condo Board’ across it. What they should have had on were military fatigues,” Mom said. She informed me that around Harbor View the nickname for the condo board members are the ‘Condo Commandos.’ “None of them smiled, and they shot us questions down the line like they were a firing squad.”
Questions such as (Mom and Dad’s answers appear in parenthesis; my comments on their answers appear in brackets.):
--Why do you want to live in Harbor View? (Well, before we started this whole application process, we thought it would be a nice place to live in our old age.) [And why didn’t you change your mind after this ludicrous interrogation?]
--If you saw a neighbor having visitors in her condo without condo association permission, would you report her to the condo board? (Yes, of course.) [I have visited Mom and Dad at least three times without prior association permission.]
--Will you keep your business to yourselves and not involve yourself in others’ affairs? (Yes, we are quiet people and are not interested in others’ business.) [Mom and Dad gossip at the pool each day with their friends.]
--Do you ever plan on renting out the unit? (Perhaps down the road if God forbid one of us should die.) [Isn’t that inevitable, Mom?]
--We like our residents to be active. Will you be joining a minimum of three activities each? (Of course, that’s why we’re retiring here – for all of the activities.) [To date, Mom has joined just one activity.]
When Mom and Dad finally got the approval from the Building 51 Condo Association, they called me up very excited.
“We were approved!” they screamed into the telephone.
“Congratulations!” I said aloud into the phone. To myself I added, “If you still want to live there after all of those questions they asked you, then I think you’ll fit right in.”
Then I added out loud, “But please, Dad,” I pleaded, “Do the family a favor, don’t run for a position on the Condo Board.”
Showing posts with label Chapter 4. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chapter 4. Show all posts
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Chapter 4, Part 4 - Condo Rules and Regs.
Mom and Dad didn’t think getting character references would be a problem for them as they have a lot of friends. So they were surprised when they received notice that one of their character references had been rejected.
”Rejected?” Mom screamed, “How can they reject one of our character references?”
“It says here that the people writing the reference didn’t know us long enough,” Dad answered her.
“But that was Flo and Irv’s reference. We’ve known them for 10 years and they also own a place in Harbor View. Isn’t that good enough for the Condo Board?” Mom asked.
“Apparently not. It says here in the fine print that the people providing the character references must have been acquainted with you for at least one-quarter of your life.”
“That seems like a kind of severe requirement,” Mom replied
“Well, compared to the shower question, that character reference rule is pretty reasonable,” I said to Mom after she told me about the reference being returned. “I’m surprised they didn’t ask your character references to get references.”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure that will be the next step.”
”Rejected?” Mom screamed, “How can they reject one of our character references?”
“It says here that the people writing the reference didn’t know us long enough,” Dad answered her.
“But that was Flo and Irv’s reference. We’ve known them for 10 years and they also own a place in Harbor View. Isn’t that good enough for the Condo Board?” Mom asked.
“Apparently not. It says here in the fine print that the people providing the character references must have been acquainted with you for at least one-quarter of your life.”
“That seems like a kind of severe requirement,” Mom replied
“Well, compared to the shower question, that character reference rule is pretty reasonable,” I said to Mom after she told me about the reference being returned. “I’m surprised they didn’t ask your character references to get references.”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure that will be the next step.”
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Chapter 4, Part 3 - Condo Rules and Regs.
Before Mom and Dad bought their condo unit, they had to be approved by the condo association. Getting approval included filling out a lengthy application, getting character references from friends and neighbors, and having an in-person interview with the condo board. Dad told me that the application they had to fill out was more detailed and complex than one you’d expect to fill out when applying for a job with the FBI.
“They asked us how many times per day, on average, we shower,” Dad said. “As I was filling out the application I thought that it was a ridiculous question to ask. But Flo and Irv told me why they ask it. The walls and floors are so thin in that building that you can hear everything that goes on in the neighbors’ units.”
“So I guess if a person wrote that he showered three times a day, he would be rejected admission to Harbor View?” I asked.
“Probably; no one in a downstairs apartment below wants to be disturbed by someone above him who showers too often.”
“So basically, residents of Harbor View are concerned if they hear their neighbors, but they don’t mind if they smell them,” I said.
“You got it,” Dad replied.
“They asked us how many times per day, on average, we shower,” Dad said. “As I was filling out the application I thought that it was a ridiculous question to ask. But Flo and Irv told me why they ask it. The walls and floors are so thin in that building that you can hear everything that goes on in the neighbors’ units.”
“So I guess if a person wrote that he showered three times a day, he would be rejected admission to Harbor View?” I asked.
“Probably; no one in a downstairs apartment below wants to be disturbed by someone above him who showers too often.”
“So basically, residents of Harbor View are concerned if they hear their neighbors, but they don’t mind if they smell them,” I said.
“You got it,” Dad replied.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Chapter 4, Part 2 - Condo Rule and Regs.
The color of paint to use on the exterior of the building is actually one of the more benign issues the condo board deals with. “The Rules and Regulations of Building 51 of Harbor View Condominiums” (hereafter referred to as “The Rules and Regs.”) encompasses 237 pages of fine print, as well as a 68-page addendum. When combined, it covers all of the critical and not-so-critical issues for which the condo board has control. (The rules for conduct in the Clubhouse is a separate, but equally colossal, document.) When Mom and Dad were in the process of purchasing their condo, they received “The Rules and Regs.” at their home one weekend while I was visiting.
“What is that – the new phone book?” I asked Dad when he carried in a massive book with the morning mail.
“No, apparently it’s the rules we have to abide by once we become residents of Harbor View.”
“You’re kidding – how can they have that many rules for just 800 square feet of space?”
“I don’t know, but they do. And, wow, are these rules particular,” Dad said, skimming through the document. “Here’s one example – You shall not decorate the outside of your condo door with any ornaments or signs without the written permission of at least two members of the condo board. Exceptions to this rule include seasonal decorations under the size of 12 inches square which may be hung on your door for 30 days or less.”
“Better bring your measuring tape with you,” I replied.
That rule actually seemed to be one of the more lenient ones, as it allowed for an exception. The rules in and around the condo unit and the swimming pool area alone composed a full 105 pages of “The Rules and Regs.” These rules ranged from the maximum decibel level of your speaking voice outside the condo units to the length of the grass in the common area. Some of the more notable “Rules and Regs.” went something like this (as I remember them, anyway):
--You may not eat outside your condominium unit unless it is when you are in transit to another location. For example, you cannot hold a picnic outside your unit, but you may eat a sandwich if you are in the process of walking to another location, such as your car.
--When you are walking on the condo pathways, please keep a minimum speed of 2 miles per hour. If people walking at a faster pace are behind you, you must step to the right and let them pass. This rule only applies to those people walking without the aid of canes, walkers, or wheelchairs. Those using the above devices only need to keep up a speed of 1 mile per hour.
--You must be 55 to live in this development. If you are at least 55, and you have plastic surgery that makes you look younger than 55, it may result in the investigation of your qualifications to live in the development. If you are so vain enough to not be able to provide proof of your year of birth, you may be evicted from the condominium.
--You may not hang a clothesline or have a drying rack on the balcony or patio of your condo. If you must put clothes outside to dry, please hang undergarments out of the public’s view.
--No guests are permitted to use your unit while you are not there unless they have a signed and notarized written permission slip from you. Said guests must carry this permission slip on their person at all times while occupying the unit.
--If you use the swimming pool, you can swim laps or just relax in the pool. However, all splashes in and around the pool must be kept to a maximum of one foot high.
--If you have guests who are children, they may use the swimming pool. Exceptions include children who are wearing diapers. Children in diapers can be in the pool area but are not allowed in the swimming pool itself. If a Harbor View resident wears an adult diaper, he/she, however, is allowed to use the pool.
--All music played inside a unit must be turned down so that residents and guests outside the unit cannot hear it when they walk by. Unless that music is Frank Sinatra, in which case you can keep it at a volume loud enough for outsiders to enjoy, but not so loud as to disturb residents inside their units.
--When walking outside of your unit, even if it is just a quick trip to the mailbox, you must be fully clothed with outer garments. Bathing suits are only permitted if you are on the way to the pool. Pajamas, nightgowns, and housedresses are never permitted outside the condo unit.
--When you pass another resident in the street, be kind and say hello. This is a community of elderly folks, and there is a chance it might be that person’s last day in this world.
--Any sightings of any of the above violations will result in a $25 fine from the Building 51 Condo Board Association. If the fee is not paid within 30 days of violation…”
And so the list went on and on.
“Wow, it sounds like you’re going to be living in an occupied country,” I said to Dad.
“Yeah, and from what I’ve heard, some of the residents think it’s the last chance they will have to rule a country before they depart this earth,” Dad replied.
“What is that – the new phone book?” I asked Dad when he carried in a massive book with the morning mail.
“No, apparently it’s the rules we have to abide by once we become residents of Harbor View.”
“You’re kidding – how can they have that many rules for just 800 square feet of space?”
“I don’t know, but they do. And, wow, are these rules particular,” Dad said, skimming through the document. “Here’s one example – You shall not decorate the outside of your condo door with any ornaments or signs without the written permission of at least two members of the condo board. Exceptions to this rule include seasonal decorations under the size of 12 inches square which may be hung on your door for 30 days or less.”
“Better bring your measuring tape with you,” I replied.
That rule actually seemed to be one of the more lenient ones, as it allowed for an exception. The rules in and around the condo unit and the swimming pool area alone composed a full 105 pages of “The Rules and Regs.” These rules ranged from the maximum decibel level of your speaking voice outside the condo units to the length of the grass in the common area. Some of the more notable “Rules and Regs.” went something like this (as I remember them, anyway):
--You may not eat outside your condominium unit unless it is when you are in transit to another location. For example, you cannot hold a picnic outside your unit, but you may eat a sandwich if you are in the process of walking to another location, such as your car.
--When you are walking on the condo pathways, please keep a minimum speed of 2 miles per hour. If people walking at a faster pace are behind you, you must step to the right and let them pass. This rule only applies to those people walking without the aid of canes, walkers, or wheelchairs. Those using the above devices only need to keep up a speed of 1 mile per hour.
--You must be 55 to live in this development. If you are at least 55, and you have plastic surgery that makes you look younger than 55, it may result in the investigation of your qualifications to live in the development. If you are so vain enough to not be able to provide proof of your year of birth, you may be evicted from the condominium.
--You may not hang a clothesline or have a drying rack on the balcony or patio of your condo. If you must put clothes outside to dry, please hang undergarments out of the public’s view.
--No guests are permitted to use your unit while you are not there unless they have a signed and notarized written permission slip from you. Said guests must carry this permission slip on their person at all times while occupying the unit.
--If you use the swimming pool, you can swim laps or just relax in the pool. However, all splashes in and around the pool must be kept to a maximum of one foot high.
--If you have guests who are children, they may use the swimming pool. Exceptions include children who are wearing diapers. Children in diapers can be in the pool area but are not allowed in the swimming pool itself. If a Harbor View resident wears an adult diaper, he/she, however, is allowed to use the pool.
--All music played inside a unit must be turned down so that residents and guests outside the unit cannot hear it when they walk by. Unless that music is Frank Sinatra, in which case you can keep it at a volume loud enough for outsiders to enjoy, but not so loud as to disturb residents inside their units.
--When walking outside of your unit, even if it is just a quick trip to the mailbox, you must be fully clothed with outer garments. Bathing suits are only permitted if you are on the way to the pool. Pajamas, nightgowns, and housedresses are never permitted outside the condo unit.
--When you pass another resident in the street, be kind and say hello. This is a community of elderly folks, and there is a chance it might be that person’s last day in this world.
--Any sightings of any of the above violations will result in a $25 fine from the Building 51 Condo Board Association. If the fee is not paid within 30 days of violation…”
And so the list went on and on.
“Wow, it sounds like you’re going to be living in an occupied country,” I said to Dad.
“Yeah, and from what I’ve heard, some of the residents think it’s the last chance they will have to rule a country before they depart this earth,” Dad replied.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Chapter 4, Part 1 - Condo Rules and Regs
For most people, moving to a retirement complex is a leisurely pursuit. For others, however, the purpose of retiring to a senior community is the pursuit of making others’ lives miserable. It is the people in this latter group who make up the bulk of the members on the Harbor View condo boards.
As I mentioned earlier, Harbor View is a huge complex. There are 10,000 residents who are housed in 100 buildings. And each of these buildings functions as its own condo unit with its own fees, its own rules, and most importantly, its own condo board association. Any negative stories that you may have heard about condo boards in Florida are absolutely true. So whereas one condo board president in a retirement community would be quite enough, Harbor View has 100 of them! Mom refuses to go to the condo meetings because all the people ever do there is fight. Even if the topic is petty, or perhaps especially if it’s petty, they will fight about it. Mom told me about a typical meeting they had the first year she arrived:
“What flowers should we plant this year – vincas or pansies?” the secretary of the condo board, Helen asked.
“Can’t we do roses instead? Building 63 has roses, and it looks beautiful,” Marilyn stated.
“Only if you want to pay higher condo fees this year,” the treasurer responded.
“But Building 63’s fees are lower than ours!” Marilyn reported.
“That’s because they’re probably in the red. We have some reserve that will carry us through for another 10 years,” the treasurer argued back.
“That’s because you’re tight with our money,” another resident screamed. “Why are we saving it anyway? Most of us won’t even be here in 10 years.”
Mom broke down and went to a meeting last year because they were going to discuss what color to paint the building. The choices, according to the president, were tan, medium brown, and dark brown. Dark brown had been the clear favorite among the condo board, according to the monthly Building 51 Newsletter. Mom wanted to go to the meeting to convince them to go with a brighter color. “We’re in a sunny, tropical climate and we should blend in with that feel,” Mom argued to the board.
“But we can get a better deal on a brown,” the treasurer counter pointed.
“Aaaah, who cares what color the building is? Who looks at the outside of the building?” Helen retorted.
“Last time I was here, you argued about the flowers outside our building,” Mom replied.
“Well, flowers are different. Everyone in Florida notices flowers,” Helen answered back.
“Well, the building color is much more important than flowers, I think,” Mom said, raising her voice a little. She was beginning to lose her cool.
In the end, Mom was only able to convince them to go with the tan. “Oh well, at least it’s better than that dark brown,” she said to Dad. “I don’t need to look at that dark color to get depressed. I just have to look around at all of the walkers, wheelchairs, canes, gray hair, and hearing aids to do that.”
Or listen to them argue, I thought, when she told me the story.
“On the bright side,” Mom added, “the condo board did convince Sam that the paint job was too big of a task for him to handle.”
As I mentioned earlier, Harbor View is a huge complex. There are 10,000 residents who are housed in 100 buildings. And each of these buildings functions as its own condo unit with its own fees, its own rules, and most importantly, its own condo board association. Any negative stories that you may have heard about condo boards in Florida are absolutely true. So whereas one condo board president in a retirement community would be quite enough, Harbor View has 100 of them! Mom refuses to go to the condo meetings because all the people ever do there is fight. Even if the topic is petty, or perhaps especially if it’s petty, they will fight about it. Mom told me about a typical meeting they had the first year she arrived:
“What flowers should we plant this year – vincas or pansies?” the secretary of the condo board, Helen asked.
“Can’t we do roses instead? Building 63 has roses, and it looks beautiful,” Marilyn stated.
“Only if you want to pay higher condo fees this year,” the treasurer responded.
“But Building 63’s fees are lower than ours!” Marilyn reported.
“That’s because they’re probably in the red. We have some reserve that will carry us through for another 10 years,” the treasurer argued back.
“That’s because you’re tight with our money,” another resident screamed. “Why are we saving it anyway? Most of us won’t even be here in 10 years.”
Mom broke down and went to a meeting last year because they were going to discuss what color to paint the building. The choices, according to the president, were tan, medium brown, and dark brown. Dark brown had been the clear favorite among the condo board, according to the monthly Building 51 Newsletter. Mom wanted to go to the meeting to convince them to go with a brighter color. “We’re in a sunny, tropical climate and we should blend in with that feel,” Mom argued to the board.
“But we can get a better deal on a brown,” the treasurer counter pointed.
“Aaaah, who cares what color the building is? Who looks at the outside of the building?” Helen retorted.
“Last time I was here, you argued about the flowers outside our building,” Mom replied.
“Well, flowers are different. Everyone in Florida notices flowers,” Helen answered back.
“Well, the building color is much more important than flowers, I think,” Mom said, raising her voice a little. She was beginning to lose her cool.
In the end, Mom was only able to convince them to go with the tan. “Oh well, at least it’s better than that dark brown,” she said to Dad. “I don’t need to look at that dark color to get depressed. I just have to look around at all of the walkers, wheelchairs, canes, gray hair, and hearing aids to do that.”
Or listen to them argue, I thought, when she told me the story.
“On the bright side,” Mom added, “the condo board did convince Sam that the paint job was too big of a task for him to handle.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
